I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
