Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
