Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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