I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
