Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
