He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
