I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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