Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
