New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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