You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
