If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I did not marry a roomba.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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