well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
