Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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