she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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