I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
