please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
