she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
