i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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