WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
