I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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