I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
