i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
