I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
