It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
