She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
