my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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