Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
