1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He passed out mid-signature
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
