I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
