I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
These tits shall not be calmed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
