:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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