Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
