Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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