Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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