I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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