yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
