I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
