I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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