I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
