did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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