it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
