thus making me awesome and them whores
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
