Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
