she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
