Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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