somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
