Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
