When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
