You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
