just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
