I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
