Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Four minutes until I can fart!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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