So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
