I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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